oh man

via Daily Prompt: Partner

Well I am trying something new. Not only am I new to this whole blog thing but the Daily Prompt is like less than a minute old in my life. Saw the prompt and went ‘hmmmmmmmm’ the clicked and here we are!

So the Partner prompt didn’t make me immediately think about a spouse or significant other. I don’t have either. Don’t have a business partner. Nor a partner in crime. Weellllll, actually……. I have several partners in crime and it feels good. They are my teammates on our Gishwhes team. They are my friends and my friends friends. And we just had a fucking Gish experience together before the hunt has even started. There’s so much and I’m still trying to find my footing again. I got pretty stirred around inside and I don’t think I’m good with a lot of internal emotional stirring. What I want to do is have my cry fest by myself, eat a fucking cheeseburger and then either zone out in front of a tv show, do some balls to the wall gardening or just read. Escape. I want to escape. I don’t want to feel this but alas, I am.

What happened may not seem like that big a deal to some people. My weirdness may not make sense but tough tits about that, can’t change any of it now. So I started a Gishwhes team and some friends joined me, and they had a friend or two join. Some of us know each other pretty well, others not well or at all and some of us know none of us. But we all joined up because someone we love is doing it, it’s for a good cause and going to be a veritable shit ton of fun. And the prize pretty kick-ass. So, we had four slots left to fill by the time registration closed  and as the guidelines state, we were paired with other people. I was nervous and excited to meet them. I couldn’t not wonder about where they would be, what they would be like and I have to be honest, I day-dreamed some about this being such a damn fine experience that we all became such wonderful friends the friendship continued long after the hunt was over. Yeah yeah, silly and optimistic and incredibly unrealistic. And so far from what really happened. And this is where that whole prompt thing comes in. Goddamn I still want to cry even as I sit here and type it. WTF. Not normal for me guys, to be this……whatever this is.

Ok, trying to keep this from being a rambling nonsense post that’s terrible. Here is a little more about The Happening. So, new people are here. As soon as I have the email addresses I send an irritatingly happy email to the entire crew so everyone has everyone’s info. They were sent invites to the chat platform we chose to use instead of FB or texting. The very first response we get is negative, insulting and dismissive. I hoped it was an anomaly but it was foreshadowing. Because after that the communication just went to shit. They were not happy. They did not read the guidelines well and were not expecting to have happen what really happened and it was crystal clear from the conversations with their (appointed or not, I don’t know if they wanted him to be or he took it upon himself) spokesperson. The negative and condescending tone continued in the group chat feed and into direct message conversations with individuals. It was nuts. We all tried very hard to be welcoming, find out what they were unhappy about and what it was we could do to help make this easier for them. Radio silence from three of them, infuriating arguing and frankly, what felt like gas-lighting, from the spokesperson. Jesus H. Christ. So we set some boundaries. It was pretty much a ‘hey we get it and we are sorry but stop with the attitude dude’ but said a lot better than that. We used more words and professional and adult language. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. Maybe I should have just said that and worked on moving forward. I was having trouble not taking things personally and didn’t like how he was treating my teammates and friends. And then he replied. Oh holy fucking hell. And as we are trying to put a shut-down on that shit, talking with another of their team members seemed to net positive results. Till he threatened legal action against unsubstantiated cyber bullying claims. Weeeelllll I fucking lost it. Lost my shit. Not at him thank god, just more of generalized ‘holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit’ kind of thing. I was stunned. Absolutely stunned. And frightened. Terrified. I know we did nothing wrong but that’s not stopped other people from ruining someones life, has it? It happens all the time. And despite knowing that he just has no legitimate claim to make against us at all, I was still turned inside out. My hands were shaking, my throat had that pre-cry tightness and the pounding heartbeat was joining in. All the fun physiological effects of high emotional distress Weeeeeeee!!!!

That was yesterday. This morning I woke up with an emotional hangover. The pre-cry throat is still hanging around too.

So this should be the point where I bring in that word prompt that started this whole post in the first place. (Full disclosure, I had been hemming and hawing about writing about it anyway and was going to at least post something here but was still unsure what that was going to look like….)(the prompt happened and it looks like this) So I’m here thinking “doo doo doo, just look at some random stuff before deciding what to write, hmm hmm, la la la, distraction distraction….” then bammo, Prompt of the Day: Partner.

And I thought about Team FrumpBusters. And the friends that already had and the friends I’m making because of Team FrumpBusters and this whole Gishwhes thing we all said yes to. And I clicked the damn link thing to post about it and here we are my dudes. We took the long way but we made it. My partners. Team FrumpBusters. These are the most fucking awesome motherfuckers I know. They supported me, calmed my ass down, listened to me, brought me back to reality, shushed me, loved me, defended me, cheered me up, made me laugh, let me be a cry baby, distracted me and if they had been with me in person I would have gotten hugs and pats and knowing my people some chocolate or something like that. Damn. That shit makes me want to cry too. I don’t know why sometimes it feels so surprising to have friends like this. But I have tremendously awesome friends like this. I have people that care enough about me to do this stuff. For me. To have someone stand next to you while weird shit is going on, good and bad, and help carry it, and give you what you need so you can keep carrying the part you’re supposed to carry, not letting you drop it but no shit talking or scolding if you maybe let a corner fall or something. Helping you get back to center. And keep you from being alone.

I don’t know if I was supposed to write about my definition of a partner, or describe my perfect partner, or tell stories about partners or whatever, but this is what came out y’all. Maybe I should have spent more of this post on them. There will be more of that as we continue through Gishwhes but for now check out the post above this (below? before?) one. I don’t have just one partner, I’ve got a whole crew of them. And they just got heart gushed by me. Gross.

 

Author: concentrationlost

Mmmmm, well I'm pretty scattered most of the time. I get distracted easily. Also, a bit of a dork, and even though I hate that word, it applies. I think I'm pretty creative and artsy fartsy. Food is pretty wonderful. My favorite things to do are read, work in my yard, laugh till I pee and feel good. I'm a Pisces. Coffee isn't delicious but I still love it and my dogs are the most awesome dogs ever, even the ones that have moved on to the next plane of existence. I'll take pictures of stupid shit and enjoy it. I can be squishy, sentimental and emotional but I fucking hate crying or showing you my real feelings. I am a terrrrrrrible speller.

2 thoughts on “oh man”

  1. WoooooooooWWWWw I had no idea anything like that had gone on. I wish I could say I am shocked but honestly, I’m not.

    This is my third (and final *sniffle*) GISHWHES. I’ve been a team captain and not. This time I just said “put me on a competitive team” which is why I landed squarely on a team that basically said “Hi” (one person) and “join our FB page” and then…crickets….utter and complete radio silence. I did a little prompting…put some info out there about myself; enthusiastically cheerleadered the squad and…..nothing.

    Day 3 goes by…I’m nervous. No one has emailed, or posted, or even said fuck off. I’m upset. My husband cautiously asks “what’s wrong?” and when I say “GISHWHES”, he finds something else to do.

    Day 4: Panic has set in. I message the team leader and discover she’s a first timer, 17 (nothing against being young) and, oh by the way, she’ll be out of town for the weekend, maybe back Monday night due to a soccer tournament. I was like, WTF? And then two more FB messages…one says she’ll be at the beach with no wifi until Tuesday…another says he has school “and stuff” but he thinks he can do “one or two” items. My mouth is dry. I’m nearly hyperventilating. I wanted my last Gish to be amazing. My husband, sensing my panic, calmly says from the other room “why not switch teams?” Now, normally, in any other conversation, this would have prompted long conversations about sexuality and the dualness of spirit but I knew he meant see if The Powers that Be at Gishquarters would put m on another team. I email, feeling sad that I am having to abandon a team and fearful I may land on an equally unprepared team.

    Friday afternoon: Gishbot sends me an email. “I’ve moved you to a different team. Cheers and good luck”. It was then that my own little miracle occurred: an email arrived from my new team Capt’n. “Welcome” it said, “so happy to have you”. Join Trello. Easy peasy as I used Trello already. I jump on………..

    …. and land in what can only be described as a pudding filled, smells like bananas and unicorns, motorcycle riding, green poncho wearing, foul mouthed, funny and incredibly welcoming group of gishers. I start crying. Really. It means that much to me. My husband is again concerned but when I say happy tears, he just shakes his head and says “Castiel (he never remembers the name Misha) is ruining you.”

    Fast forward through the end of the week. It was amazing. I never thought I’d be driving a giant stuffed bear at 2 am in the morning or making cockroach cookies or laughing at such amazing talents and people. Win or not, I am forever grateful and I feel as though I have made life long friends; Really, and that is, after all, what GISHWHES is about.

    Peace~

    Liked by 1 person

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